Day #18:  I grabbed lunch with a lovely zombette, but she kept making eyes at the nerdy guy in the corner. I guess I’m not her type1:31 PM Mar 16th via web

Day #19. Getting a beer with the new zombie girl at the office. Hoping my company’s sexual harassment policies are only for the living2:13 PM Mar 16th via web

Day #20: I have an unusual urge to eat the girl at the coffee shop…I can’t decide whether or not I’m a pervert, or just infected.

Day #21 I went to light my cigarette and she flipped out and ran away from the flame. I guess smokers really turn her off.2:49 PM Mar 16th via web

Day #22: Her droopy eyes looked down and she was shocked that rigor mortis set in.2:51 PM Mar 16th via web

Day #23: in the market for a newly turned girl today. I like it when they are barely undead2:58 PM Mar 16th via web

Day #24: She had a kind of Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas thing going on… I just hoped she wasn’t stuffed with leaves.3:09 PM Mar 16th via web

Day #25: Comfy night at home with the zombie bird. Bottle of wine, Chinese food, and George Romero.3:25 PM Mar 16th via web

Day #26: We were sipping our frappachinos and she asked what I thought about becoming a zombie for her. Who does that on a 1st date?3:29 PM Mar 16th via web

Day #27: me and dead eyes went to make out point, to terrorize local lovers.8:22 PM Mar 16th via web

Day #28: Had a St Pattys day breakfast beer with a sweet lil zombie Erin Go Braaaaagggggggghins10:59 AM Mar 17th via web

Day #29: Went ice skating, held hands, and then suddenly her arm was detached. The other people just stared as her cheeks went reddish blue11:13 AM Mar 17th via web

Day #30: When she kissed me I knew she wasn’t a zombie. She was a poser, and it broke my heart.11:17 AM Mar 17th via web

Day #31: Starting to feel a little disenchanted with this zombie thing. I could barely get it up at the anti-human rally.11:22 AM Mar 17th via web

Day #32: I was really hitting it off with this undead beauty, then she mentioned she a Canadian Zombie, and I just let my mind wander.11:34 AM Mar 17th via web

Day #33 I threw up in the middle of the sex, I couldn’t tell if it was the booze or the rotting flesh smell.about 5 hours ago via web

Day #34: I saved this girl from a pack of zombies. Why? because I saw she was bitten and in a manner of hours before she’d be my typeabout 4 hours ago via web

Day #35: She kept talking about the unfair portrayal of her people in the media…I just wanted to finish my whiskey, and not get so heavy.about 4 hours ago via web

Day #36: Fake zombie tits are a turn off, you want something you can really feel and peel off your corpse when getting carnalabout 4 hours ago via web

Day #37, I let her gnaw on my shoulder, I just wanted to feel something for once.about 1 hour ago via web

In case you don’t follow me on Twitter (shame on you) here is some of the fun you have just missed.

Day #1 – I met this zombie chick at the graveyard. The conversation wasn’t much, but when we got to fooling around she was into the biting. It was a little rougher than I liked, but not completely bad.

Day #2 – me and this undead cutie pie picked each other’s brains while listening to 50s songs

Day #3 – I noticed she smelled a lil funky…but not the worst smelling vagina I’ve encountered

I hope on day #4 I get to do the horizontal monster mash.

i bet a zombie girl fakes her orgasms i mean shes got the moaning down to an artabout 1 hours ago via web

Day #5 – I wanted to take her to the shooting range, but she was paranoid. Something about the proximity of the shotgun and her head. So we went to the shopping mall during a power outage instead.about 1 hours ago via web

#7- we were really getting into it hot and heavy, and I started to pull her hair. I got a clump of it in my fist, killed the mood completleyabout 1 hours ago via web

Day #8: we picked up a six pack, but it was tough to pry any of them out of her cold, dead hands.about 1 hours ago via web

Day #9 – We met on Zdate, and it was awkward. Especially because I’m not a zombie, and her dad is very religious.41 minutes ago via web

Day #10, we met at a dive bar. She was with the gals, and the second I mentioned quantum physics, all eyes were on me.38 minutes ago via web

Day #11: It was going so-so and then he mentioned she was a fan of Nickelback, and suddenly a lot of things made sense.31 minutes ago via web

Day #12, encountered my ex after zombification. It was the most lively she’s seemed in years.29 minutes ago via web

Day #13 was tempted by a normal girl today…it was tough, but I went to the graveyard after a few scotch and sodas27 minutes ago via web

Day #14: She looked like a zombie zooey deschanel, I swear I could have married her, but I’m Catholic and the church won’t recognize it.22 minutes ago via web

Day #15, I asked if she wanted to get a cup of coffee at Starbucks. She got offended saying she was a zombie, not a sheep.16 minutes ago via web

Day #16. I went over to her apartment. When she looked out the window,I held a boombox over my head and played “Time of the Season” She swooned11 minutes ago via web

Day #17: It was 80s night at the bar, I did the Thriller dance, and we laughed and fooled around a little in the bathroom.6 minutes ago via web

So, a lot of people these days have been asking my opinion on the whole 30 Chick Flicks thing. Having dated and drank my way through a hundred or so dates, I’m clearly a very different side of the same coin.

Clearly, I have a different viewpoint on life, and this guy’s doing his own little thing, and that’s fine. But the more and more I read about it in interviews and write ups, the more it just leaves a bad feeling on the tip of my tongue. And it finally hit me why. He’s what every girl claims to want. He’s twenty-eight, married, and in his own-misguided way, doing this to improve his understanding of women. But here’s the thing of it all: It’s saccharine, it’s sweet, and it’s cliche.

This guy is playing the part of the lovable sap, and he wants to improve himself. And he does it in a kooky way, he watches these chick flicks, because God knows the secret to most women is found at the bottom of a Cosmo, and in the hazel eyes of Kate Hudson. And yes, he’s fighting the noble fight, we men are usually bastards who cringe at the mere sight of Matthew Mcconaughey, Mark Ruffalo, and Patrick Dempsey. But it isn’t that we are soulless, molesters-in-training, as Lifetime would have you believe. It’s because these movies are so formulaic and straightforward. Boy meets girl. Boy doesn’t have it together, so boy loses girl. Boy makes a big sweeping gesture to prove to girl that he’s better than that.

And I don’t understand how seeing 30 variations on this formula improves your understanding of women. According to interviews, he now has a better understanding of his wife’s body language, and improved his kissing. If it takes Reese Witherspoon to make some men achieve this, so be it. But body language is something that one usually picks up with more familiarity with their partner. So what I am getting is, he just needed to spend some more time snuggling his sweetie. And considering that this was with his wife, I sure hope he wasn’t that clueless before hand. And I’m proud of the guy, really, I know my tolerance for Meg Ryan is not as developed as my tolerance for bourbon and blondes.

It’s a nice story that melts your heart, but it just rings false to me. I guess you are what you surround yourself with, because the whole idea of this is something that has caught unholy amounts of national attention, and the guy will be on shelves within the next six months. It’s the happy ending and the moral, you watch enough movies with your sweetie, you bond. Only, my problem is that this isn’t real life. Most of us don’t just become better people through grand gestures. Life doesn’t follow formulas. We don’t fall for the girl that’s been there all along, we don’t become better people by watching movies. God knows, I wish that my problems could be solved with a boom box and Peter Gabriel, but I keep coming up with Shock The Monkey.

What are your opinions are Team Dillinger or Team Chick Flicks? Weigh in on the comment board.

As I’m sitting awkwardly on the table waiting to be examined, a young blonde girl with a tight ponytail comes into the room. Immediately I’m self-conscious, and wonder what happened to the nice middle-aged Indian woman who had greeted me, and told me to undress.

I’m Nicole.

I introduce myself, and we get to know each other while she rubs jelly on my stomach. She asks where I live in town, and I tell her. She mentions how she would weekly go get pastries and Slurpees down the block from me. I returned the favor and asked where she lived, right near a place I had a part time job.

We’ve probably run into each other a million times without knowing it.

And she’s pretty, and I’m in a backless gown so I just let out one thing.

Probably.

You don’t mind that I’m practicing on you do you?

No, not at all.

You have really nice looking insides.

I just stare at her. You don’t hear that compliment often, unless you know serial killers. She started to back peddle.

I meant I can see everything easily. I get a lot of old people in here. It’s a refreshing change.

Thirty minutes later she’s finally done taking pictures of my organs, and I wonder what base putting jelly on my stomach is. I’d just met her and she saw way more of me than the three-year relationship I’d just gotten out of.  And when it was over, I couldn’t get myself to say anything close to asking her out, I just smile and sheepishly walk away.

Years before Samantha Gardeski, my eighth grade crush, broke my heart, I met the first love of my life. I was five, and it was intensely serious. I poured entire afternoons, and built up some sugar highs just to be near her. Of course I was young, so I wasn’t really good with my sword yet. I was sloppy, and careless, but I wanted to get to her so bad. She spent most of her time with this guy that really, truly resembled a pig physically and characteristically, but I was intent on making her mine. I could have be any nameless sap to her, and my friends said that the game was too hard, and I should try something easier. But I had courage on my side. I didn’t care how, but I was going to get my princess, my Zelda.

And it’s true what they say. That first relationship, that first love of your life sets the precedent for the rest of them. I spent my high school years trying to steal girls away from pigs, and never giving up on lost causes. I spent my college years trolling through dark rooms and phantom hands grabbing at me, dragging me through the depths.

I’ve spent more time than I care too learning how to master my sword with precision, and to shield myself from anything bad that comes my way. I’ve tried to have patience, and lost my temper. I’ve had o constantly fall on your ass, and had long debates with myself over hitting the continue button. But I’m a stubborn bastard, and I know in one of these dank rooms, with annoying music, I’ll find her, and I’ll get her.

Here’s a sneak peek. Meet the new Day 60

All Songs By Kevin Devine

Brooklyn Boy

Buried by the Buzz

Cotton Crush

I Could Be With Anyone

Write Your Story Now

She Stayed as Steam

The Only One (Manchester Orchestra Cover)

Another Bag of Bones

The Weather’s Wonderful

Longer That I’m Out Here

Guys With Record Collections

Me & My Friends

Regina Spektor – Blue Lips

We Were Promised Jetpacks – It’s Thunder And It’s Lightnin

Loney Dear – Everything Turns to You

St. Vincent – Apocalypse Song

The Little Willies – It’s Not You It’s Me

Manchester Orchestra – I Could Be With Anyone

Caitlin Rose – Shanghai Cigarettes

Lissie – Everywhere I Go

Ben Solle & Daniel Martin Moore – Something, Somewhere, Sometime

Kevin Devine – Keep Ringing Your Bell

Ben Gibbard & Jay Farrar – One Fast Move Or Im Gone

Maria Taylor – Lost Time